


The Right to Arm Droids

by imaginary_golux



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: BB-8 is surprisingly dangerous, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Crack, F/M, Force-Sensitive Finn, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Rey & Fascists' Heads on Pikes is apparently a theme I have, Villain Character Death, funnier than that makes it sound, in some unspecified non-TLJ universe, post-TFA, slightly gruesome?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 04:57:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13451034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginary_golux/pseuds/imaginary_golux
Summary: Poe has been captured and dragged onto a Star Destroyeryet again. BB-8 is not having with it.BB-8 has also been getting some upgrades from its newest best friend Rey.Beta by my very patient Best Beloved, Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw.





	The Right to Arm Droids

Poe’s boyfriend’s girlfriend has a number of hobbies which she likes to indulge when she has any free time at all in the chaos which is war. (Poe, who has been fighting a _war_ , rather than simply battling for survival, for longer than either his boyfriend _or_ his boyfriend’s girlfriend, figured out a long time ago that war involves an astonishingly large amount of waiting about for something to _happen_.) Rey likes to garden, and the _Millennium Falcon_ has succulents and air plants growing all over it these days, which baffles Chewbacca but does seem to help Leia walk onto the ship without flinching, now that it looks so little like the ship Leia used to know. Rey likes to spar with Finn, which is always beautiful and glorious, and Poe makes time whenever he can to watch their sparring matches, though after the first time one of them accidentally threw him across the X-Wing hangar with the Force, he hasn’t tried to join in. (Finn caught him, mind you, which was nearly as terrifying as being flung in the first place, and then the thank-the-Force-you’re-okay sex was pretty amazing, so Poe can’t quite regret the incident as much as he probably should.) Rey likes learning to bake, which has resulted so far in Poe and Finn trying various iterations of eighteen separate kinds of bread, fourteen types of cake, and something that was supposed to be a souffle but didn’t quite souff.

But her favorite hobby, by far, is tinkering with BB-8. Poe hasn’t objected for a couple of reasons, including the fact that it makes BB-8 so damn happy, and the fact that she’s never, so far as he’s been able to tell, done any damage. The two of them will spend long hours together, BB-8 chirping ideas in Binary and Rey murmuring back in Aurebesh or occasionally swearing in Shyriiwook when something doesn’t go quite as planned, and it’s sort of painfully adorable.

At the moment, staring around at the _completely unexpected_ carnage surrounding him, Poe is really quite glad he let Rey and BB-8 have a bit of fun redesigning BB-8’s manipulation arms.

Thirty seconds ago, Poe was standing defiantly between two Stormtroopers, doing his best to snark at General Hux while not letting any of his despair and terror show - being captured is just not his idea of a good day, and the chances of Finn rescuing him _again_ are rather slim, since Finn is halfway across the galaxy doing something important and Force-user-y with Skywalker and Rey. BB-8 had also been captured, but had rolled along obediently in Poe’s wake as Poe was dragged through the corridors of the Star Destroyer, and everyone - including Poe - had assumed that the threat to Poe was quite enough to keep the little droid under control.

And then Poe had been dragged into this interrogation chamber, and General Hux had arrived, and in a split second everything had gone from perfectly organized First Order assholery to _complete kriffing chaos_.

Because BB-8 rolled itself a little ways from Poe and produced four snubnosed little holdout _blasters_ from his panels - blasters that had been modified for _droid_ use, hooked right into BB-8’s _programming_ , for kriff’s sake - and proceeded to blast the everloving hell out of everyone who wasn’t Poe.

Thus Poe’s current state of baffled amazement, as he stands there utterly unharmed, looking down at the corpses of two Stormtroopers and one _extremely dead_ General Hux.

“Well,” he says after a long moment. “Thanks, buddy. You got any other interesting surprises tucked away?”

BB-8 burbles amusement and a complete unwillingness to tell Poe about _any_ of its other surprises. Poe sighs.

“I don’t suppose any of them are lockpicks?” he asks, and is honestly completely _unsurprised_ when BB-8 allows that yes, one of the surprises is a set of lockpicks and the training to use them. Poe kneels down and lets BB-8 fiddle with the manacles holding his hands behind him, and it’s only a few moments until the heavy things spring free.

“Thanks,” Poe says, standing again and shaking out his arms, then taking a blaster from one of the fallen Stormtroopers. “Think you can find your way to the shuttle bay, then?”

BB-8 beeps affirmation - and something else.

“Buddy,” Poe says, shaking his head, “I am not -”

_Whistle BEEP._

Poe sighs and rubs his forehead, then collects a vibroknife from the other Stormtrooper and manages to rig a bag from General Hux’s stupid little cape. “Yes, I know Rey will appreciate it,” he mutters to BB-8 as they slink through the maintenance corridors of the enormous ship, “but it’s a bit gruesome, you know?”

BB-8 apparently has spent _far_ too much time with Rey and her desert-born sensibilities, because _it_ thinks this is a wonderful tradition and one the Resistance should embrace wholeheartedly, and also it really thinks the field-test of its new blasters went swimmingly but perhaps it should have a few more? Just in case?

Poe would facepalm, but he’s carrying a blaster and a bag made out of a cape, and his hands are full.

Stealing a shuttle is almost anticlimactically easy, and three short hyperjumps later - Poe goes in several deliberately unlikely directions to throw off pursuit, though he doesn’t think there _is_ any, given the lack of people shooting at him - he’s back at the current Resistance base, comming ahead so they won’t shoot him down on spec.

Rey and Finn have apparently gotten back in the interim, and are waiting for him on the tarmac, Finn looking nervous and Rey looking homicidal, which is her usual response to people hurting people she considers _hers_. Poe puts the cape-bag down on the tarmac and hugs Finn for a _long_ time, taking comfort in the warmth of his lover, and then turns and hugs Rey much more briefly. “The bag’s for you,” he says, grinning. “BB-8 insisted. Said something about putting it on a pike.”

“On a _pike_?” Rey asks, gleeful and incredulous, and tears open the cape-bag to reveal General Hux’s severed head. “Oh, thank you! I think there’s a good pole I can use for the pike down in the junk room...BB-8, want to help?”

BB-8 beeps excitedly, and follows Rey and her grisly trophy away. Poe turns to shrug at Finn. “Your girlfriend is a little scary sometimes, sweetheart.”

“Yes, she is,” Finn says, grinning. “But she’s terrifying on _our_ side.”

“True,” Poe says. “And in any case I owed her something for rigging up a set of _blasters_ for BB-8.”

“BB-8 has blasters now?” Finn asks faintly. “That’s...good?”

“Saved my ass, so I’m not complaining,” Poe says, shrugging.

“Well,” Finn says thoughtfully. “I can’t deny I’m very fond of your ass.”

Poe sighs and flops into Finn’s arms again, resting his head against Finn’s shoulder. “You’re dreadful, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, and you love me,” Finn says comfortably. “C’mon, the General wants to know what happened, and she’ll be pleased to know Hux is...extremely dead.”

“Given the fact that I suspect Rey is going to parade Hux’s head on a pike around the base, I think the General might know that already,” Poe says, but he takes Finn’s hand, and they head into the base together, to see what new chaos has begun.

**Author's Note:**

> So BB-8 was basically the most valuable player in TLJ, and I got to wondering how dangerous it would be if it had more than just a little tazer to work with...
> 
> I am, as ever, imaginarygolux on tumblr.


End file.
